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Is Forgiving So Simple in Real Life as it is in the Books?

Firstly I must state the following:

I believe in the power of forgiveness!
I believe I am responsible for everything that happens in my life, as are we all!
I believe I have the power to improve my circumstances, always!
I believe in myself, my own power!

And then I must explain what I mean by forgiveness exercises:

You visualise the person, or situation which you must forgive, and then you say, out loud (or you can write it out) "I forgive you (Person's Name) Fully and unconditionally". I like to say it twenty times over, every day until I feel I have released it from my subconscious. Of course there are many other ways you can forgive, different word combinations, different centering techniques, but it all come down to repeating until you have forgiven.

I recieved a tweet on twitter, from a friend who read my last blog post;

Absolute_self: "@Carla_is_love Thanks Carla :) I read abt forgiving in books nd ur blog 2..bt I wonder is it simple in real life?"

So what am I being asked? "Is it as simple as forgiving? or "Is forgiving so simple?"

Let’s start with the first question. I think we can all agree that unforgiving people are often bitter and unhappy. This is because they adopt an attitude of "Why me?" or in other words they play the role of the victim. By forgiving those who have hurt you, you claim back your power. You rise above your circumstances instead of allowing them to consume you. A lot of people think that by forgiving they somehow give the other person the upper hand, but this is not the case. It is just saying, I am no longer going to allow this to upset me in any way. You release the poisonous negative emotions, and allow for new cleansing positive emotions.

But how do we get to this stage of total forgiveness? Is forgiving simple? This is such a good question. But what I find even more interesting is how the Universe has bought this question to me when I have been contemplating it myself. You see, in recent weeks I have been finding it difficult to let go and forgive certain things. I have been resisting and in doing so, I am not allowing myself to move forward. And now I'm being challenged, I need to make a change here. There is a lesson for me to learn (problems are always lessons in disguise).

I keep telling myself that I can move forward, and I don't need this certain person in my life in order to live fully (we are family). I have even done forgiveness exercises’, over and over. But something is holding me back, is it my stubbornness? When this person invited me over to talk it out, I declined. Was I scared? Was I angry? Why can't I let it go? Why am I holding on to the pain I felt? In some strange way I feel that they do not deserve forgiveness. But this dangerous thought is deceiving because I am only hurting myself. It is me that deserves to forgive, for my own good, and no one else’s.

"Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose." - Yoda

You see, I am contradicting myself. I had done forgiveness exercises, but was unwilling to talk with the person. Saying the words, and feeling the words, are different things. So in cases like these, where forgiving seems impossible, I like to follow Louise L Hay's advice. You break it down into two steps. First you must be willing to forgive. So I say the affirmation:

"I am willing to forgive. I am ready to let go."

Once I feel I am ready to forgive, I move on to the forgiveness exercises. This extra step just prepares the mind for letting go and forgiving. I decided that I should not post this until I had forgiven this person, so about a week has passed since I wrote the first section. I am now speaking and visiting with this person. There are still some issues to deal with, but the point is that we are now moving forward instead of allowing ourselves to be stuck in the past. Now I look back and wonder what I was worried about.

If you have read the secret, or any other similar books (for it's all the same concept) then you know, that what you think about you bring about. And if you believe in it, it's attracted or created even more rapidly. So the logical answer to this question is, Yes, it is that simple. And if you believe it, then it is so. It's the whole idea of letting go and gently allowing yourself to just be. When we act with resistance, that resistance is only within.

"What we seek without, we must find within." - Unknown

"Obstacles can't stop you. Problems can't stop you. Other people can't stop you. Only you can stop you." - Jeffrey Gitome

One thing this has taught me is that it's always an internal battle. Your only enemy is you. This question is a direct reflection of what has been going on in my head. So the universe was telling me that it is time to let go and make things right.

I have a few other theories that may help in forgiving that which is a little more difficult to forgive. Taking action is one of the most powerful statements you can make. Even though it may not feel as though you are letting go right now, by taking action in a way that says "I forgive you" may be the jolt the subconscious needs in order to fully release resentment.

What I mean is, instead of doing the forgiveness exercises in your head, verbalise and add action, which will make it more powerful, and more believable. Some examples:

- Write a letter to the person apologising and forgiving them, send with flowers, or don't send, just let the emotions go, move through the motions.
- Hug the person, visualise hugging the person (a visualisation can be very powerful)
- Make symbolic Gestures while doing forgiveness exercises, such as opening the arms wide, which exposes the chest and opens the heart.

Further Ideas to Make Forgiveness Easier:

- Centre yourself before doing forgiveness exercises with deep breathes and allowing your mind to be still.
- Forgive yourself first, for your participation in the situation.
- Look at the entire situation from the view point of the other person.

"In life, everything matters and nothing matters" - Unknown

This quote is what eventually helped me to forgive this person. You see everything is important, from what you eat to what you say, to where you go, to whom you meet. It all has meaning and it all makes a difference. But in the great cosmic scheme of things, one little negative thing doesnt really matter, so just let it go, and move on with your life. It is never worth dwelling on what is bad, as we do not want to create more of the bad. Let it go, focus on something good, and change what is going on in your mind. You are the only person who can change your thoughts. You are the one in control of your life.

Wishing you much ease in forgiveness! Love and Light to you!

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Comment by Carla Janse van Rensburg on January 13, 2010 at 9:26pm
Thanx so much for your lovely comment Anne, it means so much to me when people read my blog and can take something from it. Forgivness truely is a powerful healing tool. Thanx for your support :) Wishing u Mountains of love!
Comment by Anne Bellamy on December 22, 2009 at 11:48pm
Great post Carla! For me, I think the biggest step is recognizing that holding on to the hurt and resentment does you more harm than it does the other person. Once you realize that letting go and forgiving is actually the best thing you can do for yourself, you've cleared the highest hurdle. I agree that it's best to centre yourself first, breathe deeply and be calm. I think that's good advice for any decision we make in life. I like your idea of visually hugging the person you want to forgive. I'll certainly use that in the future.
Comment by Carla Janse van Rensburg on December 17, 2009 at 10:45pm
Thanx 4 ur comment Simona :) Forgiving is something so helpful for me!
Comment by Angelia Roseline on December 16, 2009 at 12:19pm
Thank you Carla for this post. Forgiving is a very important aspect in our lives and more and more people should be aware of that.

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